Travel guide

I travel a lot. Too much, to be honest. I have seen many places on my own, traveled to a different continent completely on my own (though needless to say, New York City is not a wilderness). But my traveling experiences are usually very stressful to everyone around me. I excel in planning my trips way ahead and everything goes indeed very smoothly.

The motivation behind this post is of course my recent very successful booking of my tickets to Salt Lake City. Nevertheless, two weeks later (and two weeks before my departure, ehm) I finally have my tickets. But first things first, here is a list of my favourite traveling adventures that will make your trip unforgettable for everyone:

Nonexistent connections

Undoubtedly the greatest delight from my traveling for my family!

Ideal conditions: Small town with last connection sufficiently early in the evening, ideally after a long and exhausting week.

What to do: Forget that a certain early morning train doesn't go on Saturdays.

How to react: Wake up your family in the middle of the night asking them to drive you somewhere.

Expected results: Harmonious family relationships.

Failure to book I: the plane

This is undoubtedly my specialty.

Ideal conditions: Booking a transatlantic flight last minute.

What to do: Use a technical glitch to interrupt / cancel your reservation just when you submit the details of your credit card.

How to react: Spend several days waiting for customer care to get back to you via email, panicking, as you cannot provide enough information (e.g. no reservation number as technically, that has not happened) for the airline to help you efficiently.

Expected results: Large sum of money frozen on your bank account for a few days, acquisition of the ticket varies with the airline (Delta yes, US Airways no).

Failure to book II: the bus

A more modest but more pressing variant of the previous trick.

Ideal conditions: Booking last minute a bus connection you need to take due to your obligations / arrangements.

What to do: Reserve a ticket but forget to check that it has been successfully paid.

How to react: As before, wake up your family in the middle of the night asking them to drive you somewhere. Alternatively, run for your life to catch the train.

Expected results: Increase in your stamina by taking way less comfortable connections.

Packing frenzy

Especially effective with an early morning departure.

Ideal conditions: 30 minutes before the departure.

What to do: Check the list of things you wanted to pack and realise that your bag contains a mere half with at least 5 items easily procured anytime except for that moment.

How to react: Run around the house / apartment frantically looking for substitutes, rendering your place uninhabitable with all the junk you assess. Especially efficient in tight places with many doors and stairs. Issue search instructions and commands to anyone around, moving quickly to avoid any resistance.

Expected results: First hours after arrival to your destination will be devoted to sorting out your supplies and getting the missing essentials. 

Please bear in mind that to perform these tricks successfully, you need to repeat them roughly every two weeks or so.

I hope this will be a nice piece of inspiration for your upcoming travels!

 

Horrified I await how will my moving out look like.